Roles Reversed

Posted on Sun Aug 27th, 2023 @ 8:59am by Lieutenant JG Alena Alessa & Commander Peter Horn

1,380 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Episode 6 - Point Of Enlightenment
Location: Counselor's office
Timeline: Prior to current happenings

Having died, even if it was on the whim of Q and apparently his bond to Harley had never been in any danger, still weighed heavily on the Strategic Operations chief. It bothered him, that this could've happened just on the snap of the fingers of some being.

Not one to just run to the counselor for every trouble he experienced, Peter approached the counselor's office, realizing that he was about to visit the person who had been his protégé at some point, when he was trying his own hand at counseling - and in his perception, failed remarkably at it. He hadn't made an appointment, so he pressed the time, hoping she'd have time for him.

Alena looked up from her paperwork at the sound. Someone wanted to talk to her. She placed her paperwork in a neat pile and went to open the door. As it opened, she found Commander Horn standing there, looking pretty worn out. "Hello Commander Horn", she said with a smile. "How are you doing?"

"Not well," the Vulcan hybrid answered shortly, "do you have a moment? I can come back later if you are busy." Though his entire body language showed that if he was turned away now, he wasn't going to come back later at all.

Alena offered the man a smile. "I have time. Please, do come in", she said and moved so Commander Horn could enter. "Do you want anything to drink? Or a bite to eat?", she offered. She could see that Commander Horn was in a bad state of mind. She didn't blame him. After what Q had put the man through, it was no wonder he needed a talk. "Please, take a seat", she said, gesturing to one of two comfy chairs next to a small table.

Peter shook his head as he sat down, feeling a little on edge. He sat on the edge of the seat. "I do not know where to start," he admitted, "and I daresay this was not the first tightrope I have experienced."

"I recommend blurting it out if possible. It doesn't have to be from the start", Alena said kindly. "You went through a lot with Q's... well, antics. Not that any of us found it funny. Q is certainly a someone who doesn't give a damn about what others want or think", she went on.

"Vulcans do not blurt," Peter pointed out, "and no, Q does not care about anyone but himself and his own entertainment." Peter paused. "He...killed me...," He finally managed.

Alena looked at Commander Horn. "I cannot come anywhere close to know what it must have felt like. It's not something you'll overcome overnight. It must have been beyond terrifying", she said. "The blame of what happened is not on you. Q is... putting it mildly, insane in one way or another". Alena went quiet, thinking her words over. She wished she could ease the man's obvious stress.

"I would not recommend mocking Q," Peter whispered, "I have experienced the consequences of doing so....and I ended up dead before as well. Because of my own foolishness, I ended up dead, alone...separated from my wife, alienated from my children. He gave me the opportunity to right a wrong. I would not mock Q.... But he is ... Unpredictable...acting on a mere whim." He stares a head as he spoke, eyes haunted by memories.

Alena sighed. "You are right. It was foolish of me. I wish we all could have been without the things he put us through. I cannot come even close to know how you are feeling. However, none of this is your fault. I hope you understand that. I have a feeling that there wasn't much you could've done differently in that situation", she said and thought over her words.

"Other than play along?" Peter shook his head. "You are right you cannot understand how I feel.... Technically, I am not supposed to feel at all but how can I not?"

"You went through hell. Anyone who went through that kind of trauma, would definitely feel something. No one can predict what one person feels, nor whether it's different from the next person who went through trauma of one type or the other", Alena told Commander Horn. "It isn't simple to just... turn off feelings. We feel things and have to deal with them, one way or the other".

"You do," Peter stated, "I do not. I am Vulcan." While he did indeed identify as such the reality was that technically, he was only one quarter Vulcan, even though his mother's Vulcanoid genetics were quite dominant in his genetic makeup. Yes, he did emote, occasionally, but he generally tried not to while on duty. However in the past months, especially since losing his right hand, he felt control had been lacking.

Unconsciously he rubbed his prosthetic with his left hand, allowing an uncomfortable silence to fall.

"Have you ever written a diary?", Alena asked. "It can be a way to cope with the feelings and thoughts that you are struggling with", she went on, silently searching her mind for other coping techniques.

"Is that not the same as recording a personal log?" Peter queried, arching an eyebrow at her.

"I guess it is, in a way", Alena admitted with a smile. "As long as you are the one writing it, any kind of format will do. Speaking it won't always solve it. Writing, I've found, helps a lot", she went on, thinking back on her diaries from her childhood. She ought to reread some of them.

"Writing?" That was something he had not done in a very long time. "You mean the old fashioned way? Like teenage girls used to do in centuries past?"

"Yes. I've done it many times whenever I went through some rather bad situations. While it is old-fashioned, it did me a lot of good. Sometimes, i shredded the pages afterwards, or even burned them. It helped", Alena told Commander Horn.

"But why would you shred or even burn them?" Peter asked carefully, "what is the point of writing when you then destroy your own work?"

"It was to... well, a sense of putting it behind me. That, while it happened, it would no longer have that big an impact on me. Or better yet, putting that part i was struggling with to rest", Alena told Commander Horn. "For me it meant that it was something that i would no longer be dealing with willingly. After our experience with Q, I wrote a bit, just to get the stress out. I didn't burn it. The memory is too recent for me to be able to put away as it is now", she went on, thinking about the nightmare Q had put them through. "I usually look back at the things I've written, and trying to contemplate what happened back then and what it did to me at that time. While it might have been tough, it made me stronger. That said, there are some experiences that i would rather been without".

"Agreed," Peter said, knowing there were several instances in his life he preferred to have lost his memory on. Unfortunately, he rarely forgot anything of importance. "So...I just replicate this, and then?"

"For some, it works putting the feelings and emotions on some kind of outlet. Be it drawing, writing anything creative. For some emotions at least. When i grieved my mentor, i started working out a lot. Especially after it was discovered that it wasn't a natural death. I wanted to find the person guilty for doing it. So, i decided to work out more, to put that rage and grief into exercise. It helped me a lot. I started writing the things down when i was around 10 or so. I lived in a less than friendly community. They were not fans of technology", Alena explained.

"I do that too," peter confessed, "I train with a Klingon weapon which was a gift from an old friend. But now I will probably need to relearn how. I will attempt your writing suggestions as well." He stood, feeling he'd already taken up enough of her time. "Thank you. I should return to my duties."

 

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